findingnoo

my heart is heavy. my eyes are tired. my lungs feel empty. like i need to take a deep breath but cant. i feel low. i feel tired. i just want to sleep for three weeks. lock myself away. but i force a smile. i keep plodding on. im scared that work colleagues are going to notice that i never work more than two days in a row. im sure theyll ask why. its either that or i may crash would be an honest response but i am terrified to say it. i feel unappreciated. i feel stressed. i have begun to feel anxious again. dreaming about scary situations. waking up and having to think really hard whether my dream was real life of not. worrying has started to come back. overthinking. oversharing. overeating. running my mouth about things. i feel angry. i feel disappointed. i feel let down. insignificant. my motivation is long gone. just thinking about doing things is making me feel tired. my ms is playing up. its becoming something that i think about often and never in a good way. what if i lose my sigh...

On the 27 th June 2018 - woah that's not even last year at this point I uploaded a video to my YouTube channel titled “ New Beginnings : A Heart to Heart ”. In that video, I shared some struggles that I had been through over the last few years and a recent sense of freedom I had been feeling. I had been shutting off the past by not allowing myself to accept how it really was and by doing so, never had an outlet for those darker times. At the time of that video, I had been full steam ahead with my recovery. I was watching Tony Robbins seminars and in doing so I learnt a whole bunch about myself and the mechanisms I have. I was really taking care of myself, mind, body - not so much, but i was allowing myself to eat what my inner self was craving with some salad thrown in there and soul. Regularly checking in with myself. Being more open with others. The middle part of 2018 was spent being the most scheduled I had (have) been on my channel since its creation in 2011. I was...