Hi. It’s now 2026 and I can’t quite believe that this blog started in 2011. A lot has changed (obviously) but for one reason or another I always end up back here. Starting and stopping and re-starting something is a habit that I am unfortunately very much aware of.
I think, if I’m honest, I kept stopping because I struggle with committing to things that are just for me. It’s easier to pour your time and energy into other people — at least then it feels like it matters. But when it’s just you, sat with a blank page, it’s hard not to hear that voice that says “no one’s going to read this, so what’s the point?” Add to that the fear that even if I do start, I’ll disappear again. That I’ll lose momentum, ghost, and prove myself right. It’s a hard cycle to break when you don’t trust yourself to stay.
But here’s the thing — I’m in a different place now. For the first time in a long time, the energy I was giving to everyone else? I actually have some of it back.
I created this blog with the intention of it being beauty focused. I would do makeup reviews, swatches and hauls. That’s why I named it ‘Nicky’s beauty quest’. I can remember one day realising that that wasn’t all I wanted to do here. As I recall, I wrote it in my bio: “searching for beauty on every level”. Over time, my attention shifted a little. I began to want to share my experiences in life and mental health.
Something I have realized is people who struggle with their mental health, also struggle with consistency and motivation (at least this is true for me). So, the question has plagued me for years now: How do they do it? They would be me referring to those amazing people out there who are driven and focused on their dreams. Who somehow manage to thrive despite the battles they are facing. How???
I think part of the reason that question has stuck with me is because the answers I’ve found have never quite fit. You know the ones — drink more water, go for a walk, meditate, journal, wake up at 5am. And look, I’m not knocking any of that. But it always felt like advice that was written for someone whose life looks a little different from mine. Try telling a night shift worker to wake up at 5am and build a morning routine. I’ll wait.
The truth is, I don’t have the answer. I’m not writing this because I’ve figured it out and I’m here to pass on the wisdom. I’m writing this because something has shifted in me recently and I don’t want to let it pass without doing something with it. I’m in this in-between place — I’m not who I was, and I’m still finding where I’m going. And instead of waiting until I’ve arrived somewhere that looks impressive enough to talk about, I want to explore it here. In real time. Messily. Honestly.
This blog started as a beauty blog. Now I think it’s becoming something else — something closer to what I actually meant when I wrote “searching for beauty on every level” all those years ago. I want this to be a space where you feel welcome. Where the content might go deep and dark sometimes, but you still feel comfortable sitting in it. Where you don’t have to perform being okay.
I may not have all the answers. But maybe we can find them together.
Sending love and kickassery,
Nicola xo
P.s… happy Friday 13th 👻😉
I may not have all the answers. But maybe we can find them together. 🦋
findingnoo 