findingnoo

Staring at a blank page. There's so much I could write. Like how I got signed off work, how I've never felt so low, how I had the worse relapse to date and how I almost completely lost myself. Or I could tell you about what I learned from it all... And that's what I'm gonna do. Too often I dwell on the negative. I let it control my feeling towards a situation and then completely take over - usually resulting in me relapsing. But this time feels a little different. While being in the dark scares me beyond belief, when I was in it, I understood that it wasn't going to last forever. There has always been a part of me, a part of my mind that seemed to be out to 'get me'. Any time I would evolve or start feeling good it would tear me down. It created a feeling of hate in me. I despised that part of my brain that was constantly betting on me to lose. If I was feeling motivated and positive it knew all the tricks to bring me down. I was resentful. I dreamed ...