findingnoo

Around 2010/11 I watched a Pixiwoo video, and then that was it. I had caught the bug. - i think it may have been this one 💋 I found MAC. I used to spend agessss looking at all of the eye shadows colours 😍😍 It wasn't long until I owned a 15 pan palette of MAC eye shadows and some of their brushes. The thing was, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. I lived with men and even chatting to mum could only go so far without chewing her ear off 😂 So one day I used a webcam and filmed a 'June favourites'. And before I knew it, I was planning on other videos. I started my YouTube channel and I had no idea how much I was going to enjoy it. Only a few months after that, I started my blog. At that time I was in a long-term relationship, I was a full time carer to my then boyfriend which meant I worked from home. I was able to fit blogging and YouTubing around my work life, family time and all the other stuff  😏  Then that led to me buying a camcorder. By this ...

Just like the seasons, I have over time, changed. I've come to learn in the last year or so, that I have many parts that make me, me. When looking back at my life so far, I have seen many transformations. Each of them have been brought on by me not feeling that who I was was okay, even when I felt the most myself. I felt like I was too much. I took up too much space. I was selfish. When it comes to my relationships with others, I often become what I feel/know they need. I take on a persona. I create what is needed for them. The most I can do for me is to be as happy as possible in the situation. In my last relationship, I (unknowingly) created another 'me'. I became masculine. Cold. Distant. Guarded. Robot-like. When I felt emotional, I viewed it as a weakness. Unfortunately, after the relationship ended that personality was so ingrained that it stayed. Previous to the relationship I was soft. Sure of myself. I knew who I was. I have been living for...