findingnoo

So. I have been working full time for a month now and in some aspects, a whole lot has been going on whereas in other areas, a whole lot of nothing has been happening. One day at work last week, I looked in a mirror and was taken aback at what I saw. Across my face all I could see was neglect. Work has been tiring. No big surprise there! But I have drifted away from myself. I work 12 hour shifts several days a week and I noticed that even on my days off, I feel lethargic, uninspired and to be honest, sad. In a lot of ways I feel used up. Emotionally drained. I mean, of course I'm a little worn out, - bish i've been working really hard  😂💪 but it feels like it's more than that. But when I actually paused for a second and gave myself the time to really think about it, I realized that over the last month I have done little to no self care. I haven't been checking in with myself. I get up, go to work, get home, eat dinner and go to bed. And that is my r...

Part two? I never thought I'd be doing a follow up post on this subject but here we are 🙊 In September 2016 I posted my story about my mental health. The good, the bad and the ugly. It was very honest and open and largely for those reasons I am rather proud of it. You know what they say, a lot can change in a year... Well even more can change in two. It has been one hell of a ride. I have been at rock bottom, and lived there - i may as well have become the mayor -__- given up, felt worthless and honestly believed that recovery was something I would never be able to achieve. While I also suffer from depression and anxiety, OCD well and truly wrecked my life. There were points along the way that I didn't want to touch anyone or be touched. I spent most of 2015 in my room. Hiding. At times I wouldn't leave the house for a month at a time. It feels as though OCD made me feel allergic to life. Everything that involved speaking, coming into physical contact or touchi...

It's been a hot minute since I did a review! 🙈 This post will *hopefully* answer any questions you have regarding the Primark Amber Passion palette. After picking this palette up I was so excited to try it that I filmed my - first ever! - first impressions using it for the first time. Since then I have now used every shade on my eyes and I feel I can honestly give it a full review 💗 Let's get started! 😊 I was just browsing in Primark for the third time that week - lolz but seriously xD when I saw this beauty. I was seriously taken aback. I mean, look. at. it 😍 And then I saw that it was £3..... £3?!?! Seriously 😱 So, I didn't really know what to expect as I had never tried and Primark eye shadows but oh boy! This was such a surprise!  One of the first things that impressed me was the fact that the shades have names. THEY HAVE NAMES! 😶 I personally find it easier when products have a name, particularly when it comes to blogging or YouTubing. ...

Oh so many apologies for the radio silence on here. I shan't make excuses. I thought my first proper post back in a while should be a bit of a catch up. Stand out points from the last couple of months or so 😊 Let's get into it shall we? 1.  I got a job!! 🎉😃 I made the decision to look for work. After being out of work for almost four years, I feel like I am ready to get back out there. My OCD has improved so so much, I can barely remember what it was like to be so controlled by that I was unable to even get out of the house. Over the last four years all I have ever wanted was to be able to work. It was such a dream of mine which, at times, felt completely out of reach. It was just a dream. And now? I am starting a new chapter. I cannot put into words how excited I am! I am taking steps to improve my life and to grab it with both hands feels incredible 😭😍 2. Regular uploading on YouTube 🙊 Since Wednesday 27th June I have uploaded a video every Wednesday and Sunda...

In late 2013 I spent 3 months or so feeling very low. I have spoken about this before, and that's not what this post is about. After a while, I had had enough. I started taking care of myself. Building a relationship with myself and felt really, connected with who I was. Now for why I'm mentioning it. Over the last two years, but particularly the last 3 months, I have begun to repair my relationship with myself. And this time it feels different. I truly feel more like myself than ever. I mean, I was always me, but I can now see all of the things that I let get in my way. And mainly, it was myself. I stopped me from being who I really am. So I thought I would share some things that have helped a bit along the way 😊 This first post is dedicated to the music. Up until 2016 I was listening to sad broken heart kind of music which, of course, effected my mood. - Toni Braxton unbreak my heart anyone? Well, in 2017 I started listening to songs that, well, brought ou...

Okay so this is going to be hard. I haven't spoken about my MS for such a long time – on here. Everything pre-diagnosis was blogged about. The lumbar puncture, the MRI's, the feeling of 'not knowing' what was going on. It was all aired. I posted my full journey shortly after I was diagnosed but since then, I haven't really spoken about it. And this past week, I have realized why. I recently found out that I have new lesions. Which to be honest, I was expecting. However I was a bit taken aback when I saw that there are now not only lesions on my brain, but also on my spine. I mean, I feel a little like I shouldn't be too surprised, I had thought this would happen at some point but I was in shock. It kind of felt like as long as the lesions stayed in my brain, the whole MS thing wasn't real. - i know, i know While I have processed that I have Multiple Sclerosis, I haven't felt it. I have acted rather robot-like towards it. It has entered my ...

Around 2010/11 I watched a Pixiwoo video, and then that was it. I had caught the bug. - i think it may have been this one 💋 I found MAC. I used to spend agessss looking at all of the eye shadows colours 😍😍 It wasn't long until I owned a 15 pan palette of MAC eye shadows and some of their brushes. The thing was, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. I lived with men and even chatting to mum could only go so far without chewing her ear off 😂 So one day I used a webcam and filmed a 'June favourites'. And before I knew it, I was planning on other videos. I started my YouTube channel and I had no idea how much I was going to enjoy it. Only a few months after that, I started my blog. At that time I was in a long-term relationship, I was a full time carer to my then boyfriend which meant I worked from home. I was able to fit blogging and YouTubing around my work life, family time and all the other stuff  😏  Then that led to me buying a camcorder. By this ...

Just like the seasons, I have over time, changed. I've come to learn in the last year or so, that I have many parts that make me, me. When looking back at my life so far, I have seen many transformations. Each of them have been brought on by me not feeling that who I was was okay, even when I felt the most myself. I felt like I was too much. I took up too much space. I was selfish. When it comes to my relationships with others, I often become what I feel/know they need. I take on a persona. I create what is needed for them. The most I can do for me is to be as happy as possible in the situation. In my last relationship, I (unknowingly) created another 'me'. I became masculine. Cold. Distant. Guarded. Robot-like. When I felt emotional, I viewed it as a weakness. Unfortunately, after the relationship ended that personality was so ingrained that it stayed. Previous to the relationship I was soft. Sure of myself. I knew who I was. I have been living for...

I wish there was a lovely reason for why I haven't been blogging (or youtubing, or tweeting etc.), it would be so much easier. “Sorry! I had to nip to the shop to grab some Monster Munch ...and it took me 6 months :D”. Alas, that isn't why. I have spent most of the last six months isolating myself. To be completely honest, I've felt like pure trash. At times, it has been physically exhausting to smile. As if to smile would mean that I was okay, when all I could feel was anything but. In truth, I felt alone, unimportant and neglected. I was engulfed by a feeling that no one was really listening to me. That I was screaming but no one could hear me. I am surrounded by loving family and friends so how could this be? It has felt at times, reminiscent of my 3 month episode of low mood and feeling completely lost in 2013. But upon closer examination, back then I was fairly numb to it all. Lately I have been feeling everything . I feel it coming like an eclipse, all of a s...